


Mass Effect:  Revenant

by AzulDemon



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Post-Mass Effect 3
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-19
Updated: 2015-10-19
Packaged: 2018-04-27 02:10:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5029639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AzulDemon/pseuds/AzulDemon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The galaxy is still reeling from the war with the Reapers.  The crew of the Normandy still morns the death of Commander Shephard.  It is a time for healing, or at least it should be.  Cerberus is under new management and has used the chaos to reorganize and begin anew.  Kaidan Alenko has been charged with refining his Special operations Biotic company to meet the threat of Cerberus and many others.  Miranda Lawson has been assigned to assist him in that endeavor.  Kaidan is not sure how he feels about that, their relationship is...complicated, to see the least.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mass Effect:  Revenant

**Author's Note:**

> I'm dusting the cobwebs off of this one. I wrote this to process my grief after the end of Mass Effect 3's final DLC Citadel a few years back. The story picks up after the events of ME3. I've used my personal choices in ME to guide the narrative and back story but have taken some liberties with the end states that ME3 provided. Hope you all like it.
> 
> The Mass Effect universe and its characters do not belong to me. They belong to BioWare and by extension EA. I'm just extending my time in that world a little bit.
> 
> Feedback and constructive criticism are always welcome.

Kaidan hooked his finger the collar of his dress blues and gave it a tug an irritable tug.  No matter how often he wore them he could never seem to get used to the course starchy material.  He much preferred his fatigues or even his combat armor to the Alliance formal ware.  A meeting with Admiral Hackett however, necessitated some formality even if Kaidan was considered a galactic hero and was currently the only human Spectre.  Were it a private meeting with the Admiral, Kaidan would not have bothered with such conventions.  While not exactly friends, Kaidan’s time working with Hackett and the war with the reapers had given the two war veterans a somewhat unceremonious nature around one another.  Hackett’s email had hinted that this meeting would be important and thus, Kaidan had thought it best to air on the side of caution.

He knew it had something to do with 1st Special Operations Biotic Company based on a brief email correspondence he had had with Dr. Santiago Garza, an Alliance psychologist and clinical director of the Ascension Project and Biotic Company’s candidate advisor.  Kaidan had worked closely with Dr. Garza before the war when Admiral Anderson had ordered the creation of Biotic Company.  Santiago had been instrumental in suggesting appropriate recruits from the Ascension Project.  In addition, Santiago was a powerful biotic who provided some combat instruction to the students of the Ascension Project and even worked as Jack’s personal therapist.  It was Santiago who had united much of the fractured Biotic Company when Kaidan had left earth with Shepard.  He had even heard reports of Santiago single handedly holding off dozens of reaper ground forces to buy the Alliance time to evacuate a besieged Alliance safe house.  After the war had ended, Santiago had returned to his more traditional role as clinical director and advisor, though he still took the time to do some biotic sparing with Kaidan and the troops when he was on earth. 

As a result of working together so closely on numerous levels the two of them had come to develop a friendship, something Kaidan was feeling to be in short supply of these days.  With Shepard gone and so much of the Normandy crew—who had become his family—scattered due to the responsibilities they owed to their own worlds Kaidan felt even more isolated now then when the first Normandy had been destroyed.  That was not to say that he and the others did not stay in contact.  He kept up with Garus, Tali, and Liara via vid calls and emails as often as possible. 

Garus was highly involved with the repair efforts on Palivan.  Tali was focused on the quarian efforts to resettle their home world and worked as an ambassador to the geth.  Liara had returned to Thessia to assist with the asari rebuilding efforts and had maintained her position as Shadow Broker, continuing to use her networks and resources for more altruistic purposes then her predecessors.  Of them all, he worried the most about Liara.  In the span of three years she had lost her mother and then lost Shepard twice.  He was not sure how she managed to carry on. 

As for the others, he saw Traynor, Cortez, Adams, James, Joker, and EDI from time to time but since they were no longer all part of the same crew it was rare.  Dr. Chakwas returned to her research position at Huerta Memorial Hospital on the Citadel but checked in on him and his L2 implant often.  The last time that they had all been together was Shepard’s memorial service and that was over a year ago.  But they had made a pact then that all surviving members of the Normandy would gather together on that same date every couple of years to remember those who were lost and stay connected with the living. 

Kaidan sighed heavily thinking of them all.  He did not do as good of a job keeping contact with them as he should but he had his own duties to attend to and his own crew to think of.  The Reapers were gone but idyllic galactic peace had not followed their destruction.  The malfunction of the mass relays had all but crippled galactic civilization as they had known it.  Luckily, with so many of the Crucibles brilliant scientists stranded in the Sol System and endless amounts of Reaper tech to study, the mass relays were repaired slowly one at a time.  It was only a few months ago that the Citadel was returned to its place in the Widow system out in the Serpent Nebula.  Some of the major systems still had inactive relays and that was the least of the galactic troubles.  A krogan civil war was brewing out in the Krogan DMZ, there was intel suggesting that Cerberus was not yet dead, and Omega was looking to expand its territory.  Throw in pockets of geth heretics who still worshipped the reapers and rumors of the few remaining Leviathan’s plotting to re-exert their influence over the “lesser races” and things were far from optimal for the still recovering individual governments and citadel council.  That was why now more than ever the Alliance needed the Special Operations Biotic Company, as Hackett had put it.  Not to mention the need for Council Spectres, like himself.  Kaidan had a feeling he might be busy for the rest of his life.

The thought reminded him of all the duties he had wanted to complete that day and a quick glance down at his omni-tool told him Hackett was late.  He had just gotten up from his chair and started pacing the room when the automatic doors slid open with their familiar hiss.  He turned sharply to attention to salute Admiral Hackett.  The admiral entered the room with an easy confident saunter.  Behind him came Dr. Garza and next to him was someone that Kaidan had never expected to see, Miranda Lawson.  The sight of the former Cerberus super spy instantly intensified the pace of Kaidan's heartbeat.  He willed himself to remain calm but memories flooded him despite his active resistance.  Memories of Miranda's body dancing seductively close to his own after a night of drinking and laughter in Shepard's posh Citadel apartment.  He could feel his face heating up and focused his attention in on Admiral Hackett's hand coming in for a shake.  Kaidan returned the gesture with an ease that belayed the struggle that raged within him.

_Well…shit…_

“Thank you for meeting with us on such short notice Major.” Hackett greeted. “I believe you are well acquainted with both Dr. Garza and Ms. Lawson.”  He moved aside to allow the other two individuals to come forward.

Santiago was the first to greet him extending his hand and giving him a warm smile. “Major Alenko, good to see you.”

“Likewise doctor…”  Kaidan replied as he gripped Santiago’s hand finally beginning to recover from the shock of seeing Miranda again. He took a calming breath and finally turned to face her.  “It’s been a long time Ms. Lawson.”  He offered her his hand to shake.

Miranda glanced down at it and then back up to meet his eyes and gave him a smile that almost appeared to be amused before gripping his hand firmly. “It’s been far too long Major Alenko.”

They held each other’s gaze longer then Kaidan felt was appropriate but he did not want to be the first to look away.  He knew Miranda to be a keen analyst and did not want to show her just how off balance her sudden appearance had left him.

“Let’s all have a seat so we can talk.”  Hackett suggested with a gesture toward the conference table. Hackett took a seat at the head of the table while Miranda chose the seat next to Kaidan leaving Santiago across from him.  “Dr. Garza, if you would please pull up the data we discussed.”

Santiago nodded and lifted his arm bringing up the orange hologram of his omni-tool as he synched it to conference tables holo-display.  A spreadsheet with Biotic Company’s active duty roster came up along with graphs displaying krogan battle reports and Cerberus activity intel.

“Major Alenko I am sure you and Ms. Lawson are wondering why I called you here.” Hackett began once the data was up.

“I can venture a guess.”  Miranda replied coolly.

Admiral Hackett ignored the statement.  “I know that Biotic Company has not seen much active duty since the war ended and that you have been tied up in Spectre business for the council but you are still an Alliance soldier just as Shepard was and it’s a duty you have never shied away from.  Our enemies have not sat idle while we and the other council races have been focused upon rebuilding. The reports of Cerberus activity continue to increase and we can no longer afford to ignore them.”

Kaidan shook his head.  “I guess it was too much to hope that the organization would die with the Illusive Man.”

“The Illusive man was Cerberus’ leader yes, but he also ensured that it was more than one man.”  Miranda interjected. “It’s an idea. And ideas, as you all know, are much more difficult—if not impossible—to kill.”

“Miranda’s right.”  Santiago noted. “We need only look as far as our own history as a species to see evidence of that.”

“Something the three of you likely did not know is that the former Cerberus agent you knew as Maya Brooks escaped custody over a year ago.”

For the first time since they had sat down Kaidan found himself turning to look at Miranda beside him.  To his relief she seemed just as surprised as he did.

“Hold on.”  Santiago cut in. “You mean the Brooks who found a Cerberus clone of Commander Shepard, woke it from it’s coma, then tried to kill Shepard, replace him with said clone, and steal the Normandy?”

“Yes.” Hackett replied flatly.

“The same Brooks who you had me assess and who I determined to have an unstable personality structure, symptoms of psychopathy, on _top_ of being incredibly manipulative?”

“Yes.” Hackett replied with a furrow to his brow.

Santiago raised his eyebrows and shrugged as he leaned back in his chair. “Just making sure.”   

“How did we not know about this?”  Miranda demanded. 

“It was classified at the highest level.  Strictly need to know.  We didn’t need anyone panicking.  We had more important things to take care of and we had no reason to believe she would be a threat.”

“Unstable personality structure, symptoms of psychopathy, and _incredibly_ manipulative…” Santiago repeated.

Kaidan could see Hackett was becoming annoyed.  “We had more important things to deal with at the time. For all we knew she would go ghost and disappear for good.”

“And what makes you think she hasn’t?”  Kaidan asked. 

“Our recent reports have indicated a woman matching Brooks’ description has been sighted in areas with noted Cerberus activity.”  Hackett answered.

“So you think Brooks is running Cerberus now.”  Miranda surmised.

“We don’t know what Brooks is up to or who is running Cerberus now.” Hackett replied. “All we know is that Cerberus activity is increasing and someone matching Brooks’ description is involved.”

“And you want Biotic Company to investigate and shut them down.” Kaidan guessed.

“We want Biotic Company to be our answer to Cerberus. A Spec Ops group with minimal administrative limits.  But this goes beyond dealing with Cerberus.  The Alliance has dabbled in spec ops before with the Corsairs but we have never fully committed to something like this before.  For too long the Alliance has failed to capitalize on the utility of spec ops.  Look at the salarians and their special tasks group, the asari commandos, the turian cabals, and the Council Specters.  The Alliance cannot afford to be part of the council and at the forefront of galactic civilization and not have such an organization."  When no one spoke the Admiral continued.  "Who better to lead such a group than a Spectre and a hero?"

Kaidan felt himself flush at those words and swallowed past the anxious lump that had formed in his throat. _I hate that.  Why do people insist on calling me a hero?_

"So where does this leave me?"  Miranda asked finally. "Am I to be a spy again?"

"That would be a waste of your talents Ms. Lawson."  The Admiral replied.  "You know Cerberus better than anyone.  You know how it worked.  You know what made it successful and where it went too far.  This is why I am making you program director of Biotic Company."

Miranda remained poised. "A nice job title, but what exactly does that mean?"

"You are in charge of the long-term planning and development of Biotic Company."

Kaidan was surprised to see disappointment play across Miranda's perfect features. "Another administrative position."

"This is not a desk job Ms. Lawson."  The Admiral corrected.  "You did not sit back and let others do your job while you were part of Cerberus and I expect no less now.  When it comes to administrative actions I expect you and the Major to work as equals. In the field you will function as executive officer to Major Alenko and will answer only to him."

"That sounds far more favorable."  Miranda said with a smile and glance over at Kaidan.

The Admiral smiled. "You did say you wanted to be able to get your hands dirty again didn't you?"

"So where do we go from here?"  Kaidan asked. "I have my current company but for what you’re talking about we are going to need much more than what I have under my command now."

"You're correct Major. This is going to be a multifaceted organization though the focus will remain on you and your operatives."  The Admiral looked at Santiago.  "I expect Dr. Garza to maintain his role as liaison from the Ascension Project on Grissom Academy.  I also expect him to maintain a clinical role on the team and to conduct regular evaluations. We need our people to be stable. A spec ops team sees things that can make it difficult to sleep at night.  The mental health of our people is paramount.  We also need to be sure we don’t have any potential spies or those who would see Biotic Company become another Cerberus.”

Santiago frowned at the last portion.  “I’m not a forensic evaluator.”

“No you’re not.” Admiral Hackett agreed. “Your instincts are better. You evaluated Brooks. You recommended that her guards be rotated regularly due to her ability to manipulate others. That advice was ignored and we are paying for it now.”  When Santiago continued to look dissatisfied Hackett added:  “Your primary focus is on the psychological wellbeing of Biotic Company. Bring in whatever clinical staff you feel necessary but I would sleep better knowing you are keeping an eye on this.”  He turned his attention back to Kaidan and Miranda.  “Dr. Chakwas has volunteered to manage the medical needs of Biotic Company. I have also assigned Samantha Traynor as Comm Specialist to manage QEC and Lieutenant Cortez as a requisitions officer and shuttle pilot.”

“Feels like the crew of the Normandy.”  Kaidan remarked fondly.

Admiral Hackett gave him a serious look.  “This _is_ the crew of the Normandy Major.  I am giving you command of the Normandy SR-2.”

_No…that can’t be right…_

Kaidan felt as though the ground had given way beneath him.  Next to him Miranda took a sharp breath and unconsciously touched his arm. The feel on her hand on his arm and the words from Hackett sent a confusing whirlwind of emotion through Kaidan. He felt his world lurch around him and his stomach tumble.

“It is past time that the Normandy returned to duty.  It does no good sitting in some museum or as a monument.  It will do our people good to see it flying once more and there is no better ship for Biotic Company to operate from. This of course means that you will have Joker and EDI under your command as well.”

Kaidan felt the enormity of it all setting in on him. He was taking over command of Shepard’s ship and crew. Something felt wrong. How could he be expected to step into that role? He felt his chest tighten and worried he was going to be sick right their on the table.

“So when do we start?” Miranda asked, seemingly having regained her composure.  She slowly removed her hand from his forearm.

“Immediately.” Hackette replied. “I've already placed orders for your relocation. You report for duty tomorrow. Engineer Adams and his team are prepping the Normandy as we speak.”

“I assume an apartment has been arranged for me then.”  Miranda said.

“You are free to inspect it now to ensure it’s to your liking.”

“Does this conclude our meeting?” Santiago asked.

Hackett nodded. “You'll all have written orders sent to you shortly.”

“I need to get back to Grissom tomorrow. I'll need to brief the board of directors on my new assignment and the Ascension Projects…expanding role.”

“You're all dismissed then.” Hackett responded rising to his feet.

Kaidan rose and saluted. His body seemed to be operating on autopilot.

“See you tomorrow Major.” Miranda said passing Kaidan and giving him a wink. 

He felt heat rising up from his neck and into his face.  He nodded in response not trusting himself to answer her verbally.

“Major Alenko, May I have a word.”  Santiago asked as Hackett and Miranda exited the room.

“I’d prefer _several_.”  Kaidan replied in exasperation.  Turning to look at the psychologist, allowing the anxiety to show.  “You could have warned me this was coming.”

Santiago frowned. “About what?”

“About the Normandy…about Miranda.”

“I found out about the Normandy the same as you did.”  Santiago replied. “As for Miranda, I didn’t realize there was something _to_ warn you about there.  I thought you were old friends.”

“We’re barely acquaintances.”  Kaidan returned, realizing how ridiculous this sounded.

Santiago gave him a questioning look.  The kind of look that always meant he saw something and wanted to probe at it.  “I’d think you’d be more worked about being in command of the Normandy not Miranda Lawson.” 

“I’m worked up about all of it!”  Kaidan exclaimed. He brought his hands to his face and rubbed his fingers under his brows.

“Let’s take this outside I could use some fresh air.”

Kaidan sighed and followed Santiago’s lead.  They made their way outside the building and took a walkway that overlooked the docking bay that hovered above the river.  The first hints of twilight were seeping into the sky with soft rosy tendrils.  Vancouver had been hit hard, it was one of the places the Reapers had concurred first and it showed in the half crumbled building, piles of rubble, and countless construction vehicles.  It was where he had been when the invasion began, where Shepard had been.  It had also been his home, a place where he had spent evenings like this at his parents place with a cold beer in his hand staring out over English Bay.  It was almost unrecognizable to him now.  He could still remember the invasion.  The screams were everywhere, giant squid like reapers stalked the city, and the sky rained husks. He remembered fighting his way to the Normandy with James and then ordering Joker to take off. He remembered the fear that they would be too late to rescue Shepard and Anderson.  He remembered standing next to Shepard and watching the massacre as they escaped.  He knew he did the right thing in leaving.  He knew helping Shepard led to the salvation of the galaxy.  But guilt still gnawed at him from time to time, guilt over leaving all those people to die or be harvested.

“It’s hard to believe that it was just over a year ago.”  Santiago mused.  “Sometimes it feels like it was only the other day.”  Kaidan could only nod in return.  “Looking at all the destruction and hearing about all the death…it makes me wonder how we managed to survive.”

Kaidan looked at Santiago. He was young, at least a few years younger than himself.  He looked nothing like what you would expect a shrink to be, especially one that was so accomplished.  He kept his wavy chestnut hair somewhat long and shaggy, his build was lean but strong, and his smile came easily and often.  But despite his boyish appearance, there was something in his green eyes that made him seem older.  Kaidan often joked that it was wisdom but now, as he looked in his eyes as he reflected on the invasion he thought maybe it was just the eyes of someone who had seen so much death.

“Why Miranda Lawson?” Kaidan finally asked partly because it was the question he had been asking himself since she walked into that boardroom and partly to distract himself from the memories of the war.

“Hackett explained why.” Santiago returned easily.

“He told explained the logistics, not the rest.”

Santiago shrugged. “I’m assuming that was the bulk of it really.” 

Kaidan gave him a doubtful look, one eyebrow rising slightly.

“I think you’ll be good for each other.”  Santiago continued.  “You’re both actually very similar all the way down to your skill set.  You’ll work well as a team…once you manage to get past some of your differences that is.”

“You trust her?”  Kaidan asked.

“Her actions tell me we should.  Commander Shepard trusted her.”

“She was handpicked by the Illusive Man.  She was one of his top operatives.  Who knows what that entailed…assassinations, torture, espionage, unethical experiments…”

“A little bit of all that actually.”  Santiago answered casually.  “You’re a Spectre.  A few of those things are in _your_ job description.”

“That’s different and you know it.”  Kaidan protested.

“In philosophy I suppose but are we defined by our actions or our intent?”

“Acting with integrity makes all the difference.”  Kaidan persisted.

“Miranda’s come a long way from the Cerberus loyalist sent to keep an eye on Commander Shepard.”

“And you really think she’s changed?”

Santiago gave him a hard look.  “I’m a therapist…it’s my job to judge if people change.” His gaze softened. “Besides, you know better than most the effect Commander Shepard had on people.”

Kaidan found himself wishing Shepard was there now.  _I don’t know if I’m cut out for this._ He was having that thought a lot these days it seemed.  Shepard always knew what to do.  How could he command the Normandy? “I just want to be cautious.”

“You just have a hard time with people affiliated with Cerberus.” Santiago returned pointedly. “You got past that with Commander Shepard, regretted your doubts even.  Try to give Miranda a chance.”

Kaidan sighed.  “You’re right…as always…”

“If you really think things won’t work after a few weeks you can always talk to Hackett.”  Santiago replied.

“I feel like there is so much responsibility resting on my shoulders…Biotic Company…Spectre business…now the Normandy…I don’t know how Shepard managed it.” He sighed and stopped and looked out over the railing, leaning into the breeze.  “How can I take command of the Normandy?  How can I take command of it after Shepard?”

Santiago put a hand on his shoulder.  “You’re a leader Kaidan.  You just have to start believing it.”

“Thanks Santi.”  Kaidan said with a forced half smile.  He wished he could believe it but he felt like he botched up more than not.  He’d failed to help the colonists on Horizon, nearly got himself killed on Mars, and almost led the Council right into Cerberus’ hands. Each time it had been Shepard who had pulled his ass out of the fire.  He was nothing like Shepard.

“You’ll see.”  Santiago continued. “Hey how about we grab dinner and a drink?   I’m starving.”

Kaidan smiled despite himself.  “Yeah…I could definitely use a drink.”

 

***

 

Kaidan returned to his apartments with a full stomach and feeling slightly buzzed.  He would likely pay for the reprieve in the morning since he had not finished half of what he had needed to, but at that moment he did not really care.  It was the first real break he had had in months and it felt good. He was just thinking about taking a shower when his apartment’s VI notified him of an incoming vid call. He walked over to it casually pressing the button to answer it.  He smiled as the familiar image of Garrus Vakarian appeared in front of him.

“Well don’t you look cheery.”  Garrus commented, his voice laced with humor.  “I’m not sure I’ve seen you smile so easily since you called Vega’s bluff playing poker right after we had taken down that Reaper on Rannoch.”

In his current state, the memory came back to him quickly and easily. “The look on James’s face was worth every credit I lost to him up until then.”

“And every one of mine.”  Garrus agreed. “I take it things are going well on Earth then.”

Kaidan let the words settle in a moment before formulating an answer. “Repairs are slow…but people seem to be settling into a routine of sorts.  We’re still a long way from being back to normal.”  He looked down at his feet and then back up at the glowing blue hologram of his turian friend.  “How about Palaven?”

“About the same as Earth I suppose...the air is breathable again in most major cities now that the smoke and dust has finally settled. We have power and water is returning at a slower but steady rate…we’ve got a long ways to go but it finally feels like we might get through this.”

“I’m glad to hear it.”  Kaidan replied. “And Tali…how are things on Rannoch?”

“Different problems but a similar pace, assistance from the geth has really sped things up for them though.  She spends most of her time just trying to make sure that both sides continue to play nice. There are a lot of old wounds there.”

“And the two of you?”

“Haven’t seen each other in a couple of months.”  Garrus answered irritably.  “We’re both so busy it’s hard to find the time.  I did get to see the house she’s building when I went to visit though.”

“You gonna be moving in anytime soon?”  Kaidan laughed. 

Garrus moved awkwardly, transferring his weight from one foot to the next at the question.  “I’m not sure she and I even know what this really is between us…there hasn’t been much time to really examine it that closely…It’s been nice though…when Shepard died…well it’s just been nice to have someone to turn to you know?”

The ghost of their commander filled the room at the simple mention of his name and they were both silent.  It was amazing how much of an effect his passing still had on them all.

“How about you Kaidan?  Anyone special? You’re a hero, I’m sure they’re lining up outside your door.”

There was that word again.  Hero.

Kaidan laughed awkwardly.  “Me? When have I ever had time for romantics?”

Garrus gave him a half grin.  “Sometimes it sneaks up and finds _you._ Look at me.”

They both laughed for a moment and just then it was like being on the Normandy again. 

“Oh speaking of _sneaking_. Miranda Lawson was just assigned to my unit out of the blue.”

“Miranda huh…I haven’t seen her since the memorial.  How is she doing?”  Garrus asked.

“Good as far as I can tell…I can’t be sure though.  I never really knew her all that well.”

“I suppose none of us were ever really all that close to her…except Shepard…and maybe Jacob.”  Garrus replied.

“You worked with her.  What’s your take on her?”

“She annoyed the hell out of me.”  Garrus laughed.  “She was so smug and superior and she was the Illusive Man’s right hand…always watching us and reporting on us…but somewhere between saving her sister from her crazy father and taking out the Collectors she lightened up and stopped taking herself so seriously.” He looked away. “She’s also a capable leader, I wasn’t exactly thrilled when Shepard chose her to lead one of the firefighting squads during the attack on the collector base but she handled it well.”

“Do you think she still believes in humanity first at all costs?” Kaidan asked.

Garrus took a moment to consider the question.  “Miranda never said anything that struck me as xenophobic or anything…at first she really seemed to believe in Cerberus…but in the end, when Shepard made the call to destroy the Collector Base, Miranda backed him, even when the Illusive Man ordered her to stop him.  She was on the run from there on out and she helped us out when we needed it most…”

Kaidan nodded to himself.  Perhaps Santiago was right.  Maybe Miranda Lawson had turned her back on her old life.  “Thanks Garrus, I needed your perspective.”

It was Kaidan’s turn to shuffle uncomfortably.  “Uh…in related news…I’ve been given command of the Normandy.”

The silence that followed was heavy.

“The Normandy…” Garrus breathed. 

“Yeah…” Kaidan replied.  “I’m still kind of in shock over the whole thing.”

“When?” Garrus asked. 

“Today.”

“Shit…I mean…congratulations?”

Kaidan laughed despite of himself.  “Thanks…I guess.  I’m not sure it has sunken in yet.  I don’t know how I feel about it.”

“Command _should_ go to you.” Garrus said, his voice louder and steadier.  “It’s an Alliance ship, you’re a Spectre.  You were Shepard’s right hand.”

“That’s up for debate.”  Kaidan returned. “Some would say that it was _you_.  You didn’t bail on him when he was working with Cerberus like I did.”

“Your loyalty to the Alliance is unquestionable.”  Garrus returned.  “You proved that when you remained with the Alliance.  Shepard never held that against you.  None of us did.”

“It just feels _wrong_.” Kaidan sighed with a shrug. “I feel like I’m transgressing. I feel like I couldn’t possibly live up to his legacy.”

“You know,” Garrus interjected thoughtfully.  “I tried to _live up_ to Shepard when I was running around as Arch Angel on Omega. I ended up failing miserably.”

“That’s comforting…” Kaidan grumbled.

“It was after that I realized—that Shepard helped me realize—that it was in trying to be Shepard that was the problem.  I needed to find my own path and not try to emulate Shepard’s.”

“So just _be myself_.” Kaidan smirked.

“Well when you say it like _that_.” Garrus chuckled.

“No, you’re right Garrus.”  Kaidan said. “I’m too focused on trying to honor Shepard’s memory, too focused on trying to be him.  It’s just so hard not to when I’m taking command of his ship.”

“Well…it’s better than the Normandy sitting in some museum or something.” Garrus offered. “I’m sure it was making Joker stir crazy.”

“Beyond stir crazy.”

“You’ll have to take me out for a spin in the old girl once you get the keys.” Garrus japed.  “I miss her.”

“Got some calibrations you want to get to?”  Kaidan teased.

“Oh _very_ funny Alenko.”

**Author's Note:**

> Next up: Miranda's POV, and return to the Normandy!


End file.
